Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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