I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
