im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
