..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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