Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Couch. On fire.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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