I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
