Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
