Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
