He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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