my phone needs a breathalizer
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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