Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
