so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
