I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
