New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
