Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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