life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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