I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
