Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
