Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
