ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
