Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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