I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
