I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
