my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
