READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
