I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
