the condom got lost in my hair
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
