I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
