Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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