lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
