Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
