Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
