chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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