Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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