I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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