she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
