I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
