youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
