I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
