And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
