True but thats because hes a fetus.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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