I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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