She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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