first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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