She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
