Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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