erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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