Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
