We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
