glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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