I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
