somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
