I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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