I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
