oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
